WTF Wednesday: Week Three

No Seriously, WTF?

Hello, Friend,

Welcome to week three of WTF Wednesday, whereupon we wander in our Wellies through the muckity muck of the Crappiest Carnival in search of nasty nuggets and turd-ly turpitudes…or something like that.

We’re working on it. By ‘we’ I mean me, the Royal We.

Or perhaps, more aptly, the Royal Whee!

This week, because we’re all being pummeled with the same nasty nuggets every day, I thought I’d start with some glimmers of hope.

Jon Stewart has been a little hit or miss since returning to The Daily Show, but he hit it out of the park this Monday with this DOGE Makeover monologue that offers the perfect playbook for the Dems. Of course, it would require them focusing on the people and sticking it to their corporate overlords. So…yeah.

Everyone is beating up the Dems, including me, and they’re definitely doing more than nothing so let’s give them a little credit when it’s due. I’d like to give a shout out to these two reps who went the extra mile to vote against the ‘big beautiful bill.’ Rep. Kevin Mullin (D-California), recovering from knee surgery and a blood clot, left the hospital hooked up to an IV, flew to DC, and arrived on the house floor with a walker. Rep. Brittany Pettersen (D-Colorado) flew across country with her one month old infant in tow to vote. Keep up the good work. And by good work I mean…keep saying no.

It’s time for our daily mantra. Breathe in, breathe out, and…

Actual Bond Villain Jeff Bezos just keeps dropping trou and dumping turdlets on the once great Washington Post. First he put the kabosh on the Kamala endorsement, then Democracy died in broad daylight, and now Jeffy Poo is turning the WaPo Op Ed section into a propaganda pulpit with a focus on “personal liberties and free markets.” He explained this initiative with a lot of doublespeak which begs the question: What’s it all about, Jeffy? As if we didn’t know. Why can’t these Tech Broligarchs enjoy their vast riches and their glow ups and their pokey penis logos and their silly space follies and leave the rest of us the fuck out of it?

No, seriously.

Seriously.

No.

Did I mention

Jeff Bezos, 2011 USAF (edited, obvs) WIKIMEDIA COMMONS, PUBLIC DOMAIN

As a Pennsylvania resident, it’s pretty damn disappointing to hear that UPenn Schools bent to the will of the Mad King, removing all DEI references from their websites. Shame on you, UPenn. It appears that the ‘dumbest goddamn student’ matters more than your integrity, dignity, and reputation.

Your namesake would like a word.

William Penn, 18th Century Engraving PUBLIC DOMAIN WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

Kudos to Yale for doubling down on DEI and refusing to bend to the Royal Decree. At least for now.

Meanwhile, Space Quaren is too busy xitting thousands of xits a week to tend to his ever expanding brood. Yes, the biggest Welfare Queen of them all, the 8 million dollar a day man, with two ex-wives and thirteen children sired with what appears to be any white lady with a turkey baster and a dream, is too busy raising his chainsaw while yelling, “CHAINSAW!” to bother responding to the serious medical emergency of one of his children. When he finds time to tend to his six companies while decimating our Government and infecting our servers…is anyone’s guess. Anyone? Hello?

Elon Musk Royal Society (Edited, obvs.) Creative Commons 3.0 Unreported, WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

I could go on, but we all have things to do. By things I mean, sipping Earl Grey with honey and lemon and screaming into the void. There’s only so much WTF any of us can contemplate, we have to find a few distractions. Yesterday I almost died choking on the juice of a mandarin orange and I rescued an escaped lamb.

I call them baby lambs, because I’m redundant like that.

Royal Whee!

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