WTF Wednesday: Week Six
The Never Ending WTF
Hello, Friend,
Welcome to WTF Wednesday, or the Never Ending WTF! Whereupon we peruse the putrescent projectiles spewing from the petty oppressors pillaging our repositories and puking on our principles. Sure, it’s disgusting, depressing, disturbing, and distasteful. Sure, the shit pile is growing exponentially each day. But the philosophical question remains, is it possible to peep some pockets of pulchritude nestled amongst the proliferating piles of poo?
Let’s find out, shall we?
No recording today because…WTF…I lost my voice. Again. If you see it, please direct it back to my vocal chords. Thanks.
If you, like this writer, struggle to understand the abject absurdity of our current timeline, perhaps this news nugget from NASA will provide some clarity. New data hints that this universe and everything in it, including me and you, maybe be existing inside of a black hole. WTF?! Interpreting this with due scientific reverence, we just might be a blackhead on the butt cheeks of a bigger (and presumably better) universe. This is explains everything, doesn’t it? While you ponder this juicy bit of cosmic irony, let me add that the black holes within our black hole may be portals to other (and presumably better) universes. The multiverse may be real and, somehow, we have the misfortune of being stuck in this one. Now to plan our escape!
Paging Dr. Pimple Popper!
.jpg){kind=link}
Speaking of black holes, Tesla continues to slide into the abyss. Meanwhile, poor pitiful MElon still has a sad, and after everything he’s done for us! Where’s the gratitude attitude, America? The protests are causing quite the kerfuffle in the Oval Office! Talk about a ‘T’ Party or perhaps a WTAFT* Party! One of the leaders of the Tesla Takeover movement is none other than Bill of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure fame, Alex Winter. Party on, Dude! Meanwhile, in seeming support of these efforts, Tesla cybertrucks are falling apart on their own accord. Another apt metaphor for what Mr. Chainsaw Massacre is doing to our government. All flash, no substance.
Bogus.
Tangentially, though we generally refrain from commenting on people’s sartorial choices, in this case we’re making an exception. What is the point of hair plugs if you’re going to commit this crime against fashion? (You will have to follow the link to see this hideous hair don’t in all of its crowning glory.) WTAF?! Enough with the Nazi cosplay, Twitler, just shave it all off, grab your mini me, and embrace your inner Dr. Evil.
According to Palmer Report, there’s an interesting explanation for the Tangerine Turdburgler’s newly emerged obsession with the auto-pen. Ever projecting, his incoherent ranting about the validity of Biden’s pardons may be rooted in his own infamously short attention span and lack of discipline (or possibly in his rapidly fading mental capacity.) “A memo dated Jan. 28 and also reviewed by The New York Post grants Scharf and White House chief of staff Susie Wiles the authority to use the autopen “for all matters.””* Seriously, WTF? Has the magic of the giant Sharpie worn thin? It appears He Who Should Not Be President, a legendary cheater, is too busy spending millions of our tax dollars giving himself participation trophies to bother with signing important documents.
"He throws it, boots it, and moves it. He lies about his lies. He fudges and foozles and fluffs. At Winged Foot, where Trump is a member, the caddies got so used to seeing him kick his ball back onto the fairway they came up with a nickname for him: 'Pele.'”
Rick Reilly, Commander in Cheat: How Golf Explains Trump
While we’re being petty, just because we can, let’s all take a moment to revisit and fully savor this not so subtle shade thrown at our doe eyed Secretary of State from our dear friends in Canada. Hello, former friend, we have provided you with a red carpet worthy of your obsequious obeisance to the neo-Imperialist fantasies of the Manchurian Candidate. Don’t step in the shit, L’il Marco. Take off, hoser. We at The Lady Party second that emotion.
_(cropped_3-4).jpg){kind=link}
It wouldn’t be a WTF Wednesday without a check-in with our old pal Bobby Whale Wacker. This week he’s suggesting we let Bird Flu run rampant in Chickens and Turkeys to see who survives. Flock immunity, another brilliant (and by brilliant we mean horrific) idea from our Dr. Mengele. If I didn’t know better (and I’m not sure that I do in this case) I’d think this administration was hoping to cull our flocks. If any of these psychopaths paid taxes I might get it, but we’re the ones footing the bills so WTF is their problem, exactly?
Who will they flim-flam if the rest of us buy the farm?
Finally…in case you missed it…we might be in a war with Iran. So much for General(ly) Useless Donny Bonespurs and his trail of broken promises. I guess the upside of the ongoing military DEI purge is the only folks left to serve will be the red hatted suckers and losers who voted for this shit show. Good luck with that.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled dystopian nightmare. Thank you for riding, be sure to gather your belongings, and be careful when stepping out of the car into the dumpster fire. Join us next week for another fun filled (and by fun filled we mean mildly amusing) ride on the WTF Wednesday Express.
Woot.
*What the actual fuck, Tesla?
Hey, you, scrolling human, why not subscribe so you never miss another riveting post? It’s free! (With the option to support the work if you’re so inclined.)
If a paid sub is not in the budget, and we totally understand, consider purchasing a coffee for your hostess?
Or, pop a dollar in the PayPal tip jar?
As a Canadian, I cannot be prouder of my country giving the finger 🖕 to the Tangerine Hitler. Elbows up!