WTF Wednesday: Week Nine

The Fuckery is Strong with This Week!

Hello, Friend,

Welcome back to WTF Wednesday. It’s week nine of WTF, but week 13 of the Trump Slump. I’m sorry to report that the fuckery is strong with this week. So strong, it’s reaching the folks who were only in it for the tax breaks (until their stocks and bonds hit the gilded shitter.) Greetings schadenfreude, welcome to the chat! Just when you thought we might find some chaotic equilibrium, the Spray Tanned Suckling Pig finds new depths of muck in which to wallow. As long as we’ve got an e-ticket to the fiery pits of Hades, I’ll be here to provide a modicum of comic relief. I have only one life to give, but I have a big ol’ bucket full of fucks. I plan to sprinkle them liberally as we wander through the landmine strewn horizon of This American Carnage.

Red Cross Long Cut Tobacco Ad, 1893 PUBLIC DOMAIN WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

We begin with Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Ragebots Ron 'Brick Sack’ Varo and MElon 'Car Assembler' Husk. The insults are flying faster than the ketchup bottles at MAGA-Lago! Trumpkin Spice lives for this shit. Revels in it. Fills a bag with giant hornets, shakes it liberally, and sets them loose. ‘Yuck it up, Chucklefucks! I’ve got a trophy to give myself!’ While these asshats battle it out on on the toxic waste dump formerly known as Twitter, the rest of us are watching our 401ks and concurrent futures disappear. I’m starting to think my lack of financial security is a perverse gift. Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose, amiright?

Tariffs, tariffs, who’s got the tariffs?

Everybody! YAY!

An African Millionaire, Gordon Brown, 1897 (edited, obvs.) PUBLIC DOMAIN WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

Speaking of the stock market…something about which I know literally nothing but that will not stop me from commenting on it…it’s legalized gambling. Like all gambling, it’s a gamble. (These are the sort of astute observations you can find here on FFS!) I find it difficult to muster sympathy for the Billionaire Boys Club GOP donor class freaking out over watching their fortunes deflate faster than a parade balloon in a sword factory.

“We didn’t vote for this!”

Actually, ya did. This is exactly whatcha voted for, Jeeves. How many times did he recite that snake poem?

Newsflash, fellas, he’s the snake.

Surprise!

“Oh, shut up, silly woman donors,” said that reptile with a grin. “Now you knew darn well I was a snake before you brought me in.”

Their fortunes may be rapidly disappearing, but as long as they manage to maintain a cool million, it looks like DOGE may have solved their little tax problem. How about no tax at all? As for the rest of us, we’re the low hanging fruit destined to maintain the robots who will screw the tiny screws into the iPhones no one will be able afford to buy made in the factories no one will be able to afford to build.

The stupidity is astonishing.

Did I ever mention the product idea Mr. Potter and I had during the first round of this misadministration? Take a Dump with Trump! Feel like hot shit on a gilded platter when you plant your fluffy ass on this golden(-esque) toilet seat and take a dump with Trump! You’ll never be him, but you’ll be as shitty as he is, and that’s something. Isn’t it?

I have a theory I’m percolating. Stick with me here because I think I’m on to something. Is it just me, or is every member of this administration a sociopath? What if, and I’m spit balling here, every member is a psychopath? The last round it was a fox for every henhouse, this time it feels more like a serial killer for every agency. All that pillow talk about Hannibal Lecter just might have been appreciation. The Don did say he could shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and get away with it. It’s starting to feel like they’re doing everything they can to make sure most of us die.

Paging Dr. Reid, gather the BAU, we’ve got a heckuva case for you!*

It wouldn’t be a WTF Wednesday without a skootch of science! There’s some fungus among us, and it’s starting to look like The Last of Us may not be that farfetched after all. Perfect timing with Bobby Berzerkowitz in charge of health. Donny isn’t the only one making dumps these days because Russia just dropped something sketchy into low earth atmosphere. One can only hope this isn’t the beginning of the Space Wars. WTF, Comrades?

Watch this space. (See what I did there? Wah, wah.)

I have far more news than time to share it. The toxic overflow will have to wait for FFS! Friday! Until then, may you find yourself nestled a cozy tent with a soft blanky, a tasty beverage, a cheery book, and someone or something to snuggle as we await further fuckery.

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