The No Troll Rule
Building a Civilized Internet and Surviving One That (Most Definitely) Isn't
Hello, Friend,
(Today I’m sharing a post from The Lady Party archives, originally published in 2016, that bears repeating. The title is derived from the book I recommend at end of the essay. )
Trolling
verb
1.
informal
make a deliberately offensive or provocative online post with the aim of upsetting someone or eliciting an angry response from them.
As a child, I was a perpetual target of bullies. Even then, I refused to make myself smaller to make them feel comfortable. My knees and my voice may have been shaking, but I stood up for myself and I have always stood up when other people were being bullied in my presence. I have carried that with me into adulthood and the digital landscape. I made a conscious decision not to argue with people on the internet years ago. This doesn't mean I won't engage in civil discourse; it means I won’t engage in uncivil discourse. The truth is if someone (particularly someone that doesn’t know me) is attacking me or my values, they’re not interested in my opinion or the truth, they’re interested in shouting me down to make themselves feel better. Time spent getting angry and arguing is time I could spend on other more productive things like researching and writing for this site, contacting my government representatives, being a rising tide and a small beacon of light in an increasingly dark reality, or plucking my errant chin hairs. (Just checking to see if you're paying attention.)
I will not engage negative comments on the internet, including on this Substack. This takes a will of steel sometimes. I’m a quick witted smarty pants with a sarcastic sense of humor. Sometimes we have to fight against our natural impulses for the greater good and our own sanity. By engaging with this kind of behavior, we’re empowering negativity. Nothing makes a troll go back to their bridge faster than a lack of attention. But wait, you say, this is my old friend from high school or my co-worker or my cousin, they are not a troll! Anyone can become a troll when they post inflammatory comments in order to elicit an angry response. Delete, block, exhale. Incendiary statements are designed to attract us like moths to a flame in order to bait us into saying horrible things. Don't be baited. Don't comment, repost, or engage. Show them the light and the way by being a shining example of civility, kindness, transparency, and awareness.
Turn the other cheek.
Not that cheek.
Wish them love, walk away.
Support your friends when they are under attack by reminding them that they do not owe abusive people their time, attention, or a public platform for their negativity. Even ordinarily nice people can say and do abusive things when they are driven by the politics of anger and fear. I have been deeply disappointed by comments from old friends and even family members that seem to reflect their opinion of me and my values. However, they are a reflection on them, not me. They are only a reflection on me if I respond.
They can choke down that glass of haterade they just poured all by themselves.
“I’m going to respond thoughtfully,” you say.
“I'll combat them with my brilliant argument, links to real news sources, and a generous helping of logic!”
How has that worked out for you so far?
No amount of passionate, heartfelt, beautifully written responses will sway the minds of people who post hateful, divisive rhetoric. Don't feed them. Starve them. Nothing is more powerful than indifference to people who are begging for attention. Had the media taken this approach with TFG, he would never have been elected. Negativity and vitriol are contagious and seductive. Think of how much power one bad thing can have on a good day if we allow it. Yet every small act of kindness, every moment of good can empower us if we allow that.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Eleanor Roosevelt
We get that upon which we focus. The choice is entirely ours.
PS: Need some ideas on productive ways to spend time currently being wasted arguing with people on the internet? Here are a few.
Know your national representatives and stay up to date on confirmations, bills, committees, and day to day activities:
United States House of Representatives
United States Senate
Keep track of their voting records, campaign contributors, and get detailed summaries of bills that help navigate the legalese on GovTrack.US.
If you have something to say, contact them through their searchable websites via messages, emails, and phone calls.
Read this book: The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't (Yes, it is about corporate culture, but it is a fantastic guide on navigating narcissists and bullies.)
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