I am Not in Charge of You
Ignoring my Inner Gladys Kravitz
Hello, Friend,
I am not in charge of you. I am not going to tell you what to do or think or feel. You are in charge of you. I am not going to participate in the policing of other people. Gentle encouragement is perhaps more effective than inflexible demands. Something, something, flies and honey and such.
“Hello, fellow human, I…”
“You’re doing it wrong!”
“I am?”
“Obviously.”
“How about this?”
“No! Still wrong!”
“This?”
“WRONG-O!”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Shut up then.”
If we silence everyone who isn’t doing it the way we feel is the only way to do it, we will soon find ourselves shouting into the void. I am guilty of this and working on it. We are constantly policing each other and part of that comes from having far more access to every minute detail of other people’s lives through anti-social media. Remember when we didn’t know and how much more cooperation and connection we had?
If people are at least trying, then maybe we can meet them where they are. I feel like white women do this the most, so as a white woman I’m trying to send my inner Gladys Kravitz into a permanent time out and offer other people some grace. When people bemoan ‘woke’ culture, this is what they’re addressing. We know that ‘woke’ is a verb and not an adjective but telling them about in painstaking detail isn’t helpful.
I think sometimes people on the left side of the political divide come off as insufferable know-it-all goody two shoes holier than thou Gladys Kravitz(es.)
Every party has a pooper that’s why we un-invited you.
“Keep your breath to cool your porridge.”
Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
I encourage you to do you. Maybe try to do your best. Make the changes you can to be a better human or not. Judge other people or not. Police other people or not. I’m not going to tell you what to do or say or think or feel or write about, because you are in charge of you.
I'm in charge of me, and that is a full time job with very few benefits.
Have you met me?
Will I silently judge you if you’re an asshat? Probably.
Will I step in if you are abusive to another person in my presence? Damn Skippy I will.
Will I delete, block, exhale if you are abusive to me or other people here? Hell. Yes.
Will I correct you if you are using language ‘wrong’ or disagree with your conclusions or don’t like your stance on something? Nope. I’ll just silently judge you and tell Abner about it later.
“Do not give your attention to what others do or fail to do; give it to what you do or fail to do.”
Guatama Buddha
Bottom line: I’m going to do my best and continue with the regularly scheduled programming. You can take whatever works for you and leave the rest.
In other news, yesterday was as craptacular as I imagined it would be, even though I didn’t watch. I have deep concerns for the good people who are officially under siege after the royal decrees started flowing. The release of violent and dangerous criminals gives me significant pause. The Pennsylvania vote fix admission, the gesturing the quiet part out loud…twice. I have a lengthy list of the egregious things that burned my hot buttered biscuits into charcoal briquettes. I will leave it at that.
Just some thoughts from some lady who lives on a farm in the middle of nowhere, does her best which varies from day to day, and retains hope that we will find our way out of this horse shit timeline even if Doc and Marty never get back.
(And…now Marty is playing the guitar solo on the Beatle’s song running around in my brain.)
How many cultural references can I stuff into one essay?
This is a rhetorical question.
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It takes copious amounts of moxie, chutzpah, and caffeine to fuel this party, maybe buy the Lady a virtual coffee!
Thanks so much for joining The Lady Party!
Loved this read that arrived in my inbox. So thoughtfully written. I agree with the reflections. You’re right, we cooperated more when we didn’t know every single detail about everyone’s life. It’s wild to reflect about all of the changes I have seen over the last 45 years. I am not loving the hateful trend of the last ten years or so, but it seems like a tide we’re not able to stop right now. We need to move back to TOLERANCE. Civility and tolerance.
👍🏻