FFS! Friday!: Week Three
Is This the Fun Part?
(Enjoy this essay read by your fearless writer!)
Hello, Friend,
How in the ever loving corntastrophe is it week three of FFS! Friday!? I’m losing track of time. It’s a never ending blur of escalating chaos working towards some heretofore unimagined cosmic crescendo. Relentless. Confusing. Cruel. Lacking in rhyme, reason, or discernable trajectory. The entire world is wandering around in a creepy corn maze without a map. Every time we think we’re almost free, we find ourselves standing in a dead end staring at more corn. This is what happens when you elect a Mad King and he surrounds himself with psychopaths. We’re all stuck in their maze being shuffled around for their entertainment.
Let’s send them over there! Look at them go! Idiots! Tariffs! No tariffs! More tariffs! This time we’re serious! Just kidding! Ha! Ha!
First up, of course, is the Trump-made economic crisis that is sending the markets into a tizzy while a handful of very special insiders rake in the big bucks. I’d like to know why our elected officials get a free pass on insider trading. FFS! it’s obscene. What’s that smell? Martha’s tender flaky buttered biscuits are turning into charcoal briquettes! The hypocrisy! The temerity! The absurdity! Could it be they want to devalue the dollar to replace fiat money with Griftocurrency*? Is that the end game? Is there an end game? It doesn’t appear even they know based on the ever shifting messaging.
There’s a reason the folks who lived through the Great Depression kept their money under their mattresses. It’s never the rich folks who suffer when they crash the economy, they always seem to do just fine.
In related news, more folks are theorizing the Mad King might actually be…mad!
Uh, duh.
It appears that we’ve transitioned from Waiting for Godot to an extended run Florida Man Dinner Theater production of No Exit starring Sylvester Stallone, Caitlyn Jenner, and Roseanne Barr. Excusez-moi, Monsieur Sartre, but we’re going to need you to take your play back. Vite! Vite!
Jean-Paul had it right when he wrote “L'enfer, c'est les autres.” Hell is other people, especially the ones in the red hats.
Have I lost you yet? If not, don’t worry, I’ll get there with a little effort. From chaos to corn mazes to existential theatre references…we’ve got it all here at FFS! I have to do something with that theater degree, folks.
Dean Blundell shared some creepy news on his Substack yesterday. Nothing puts the dick in the tator quite like idolatry. Rumor has it, flag pins are so last year. In Trump we Trust! Pop a gilded silhouette of Dear Leader on your lapel and declare your loyalty. Or there may be a one way ticket to El Salvador in your future…
It really is a cult, replete with a golden calf.
Verily I say unto thee…what pile of bullshitpoopy.
The GOP has decided that disenfranchising voters will make them impervious to the swiftly shifting whims of the electorate. FFS! Why bother representing the people’s needs? People are so people-y, always yelling at us and expecting us to ‘do our jobs.’ It’s so unfair! We’ve got stocks to trade and lapels to pin and rich people to gift with bigger tax breaks!
If you’ve not had a look at the SAVE Act (which just passed in the house with some fury inducing Democratic support) it would behoove you to read up and contact your Senators ASAP. The Rethuglicans are ratcheting up their voter suppression efforts to save their sorry arses by the mid-terms. No votes for you!
As if that isn’t enough to get your blood simmering, how about Blockchain voting? FFS, MElon!
“While current election systems are far from perfect, blockchain would greatly increase the risk of undetectable, nation-scale election failures,” says MIT professor Ron Rivest, co-creator of RSA public-key encryption and senior author of the new paper. “Any turnout increase would come at the cost of losing meaningful assurance that votes have been counted as they were cast.”
Suffering suffragettes this is unsettling.
Now for a palette cleanser courtesy of science! YAY SCIENCE! I’m about to blow your mind. You might want to sit down for this one. The color purple is not real. Not the movie, the actual color. Purple is a pigment of your imagination. It’s a trick your brain is playing on you as it tries to compute simultaneous blue and red light waves. Barney is an illusion. Prince was a pretender to the throne, as are all royals apparently. Nurples aren’t really purple after all. Violet is real, but only as a wave of light, like every other color in a rainbow.
Try not to get your grapes in a bunch, friend. Your brain made up a color, so you might as well roll with it. Add a little peanut butter and jelly roll with it to forget I ever shattered your illusions.
Back to the fray as they say! I’ll be back to spread some more sunshine on Monday. Until then, FFS! HUZZAH!
*Thank you to Mr. Potter for this little gem.
As always the links provided allow you to dig a little deeper, if you’re so inclined.
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I have no words...you said it all right here.