Dear John
It's Not Me, It's You
Hello, Friend,
Today I’m sharing a letter to my senator, who has proven to be an incredible disappointment. If he’s your senator, too, I’m so sorry. Also, yesterday’s essay went out with a big ol’ error in the first sentence which I had intended to correct and then, as is the way of every triple and quadruple checked essay, something always seems to elude the edits. Though I am an artist, I didn’t need a palette cleanser, I needed a palate cleanser. It’s a one-woman show and I can’t afford to pay myself let alone hire assistants. That’s my story…yadda, yadda, yadda…
Dear John,
We need to talk. I’m sorry that it’s come to this, but I think it’s time we went our separate ways. I’m not even sure we can be friends. I’ve given it my all, and then some, but it’s just not working out. It’s not me, it’s you. You’ve changed. Or, maybe, I never really knew you at all.
I thought you were the real deal. We all did. What a disappointment you’ve turned out to be. Did you mean any of it or none of it and now what, John? We lost a stalwart Pennsylvania Democrat in Bob Casey and now we’re stuck with a MAGA Republican and you, a MAGA curious Vichy Dem, galavanting around in your cargo shorts and Carhartt hoodies cosplaying as a common man while kissing the ring and thumbing your nose at the voters who put you in office.
Look, we all know you went to Harvard and you’re an upper class kid from the wealthy ‘burbs of York County. You sir, are no yinzer. You’re the Kid Rock of Senators.* We should have known your judgment was faulty when you dug into the Sheetz side of the convenience store wars, because EVERYONE knows WAWA kicks ass and takes names.
We were all so worried when you had your stroke. Then the depression and the graceful way you handled it. It wasn’t clear if you’d make it back, but we stuck by you, cheered you on, believed in you. And you did it! You made it back! We were all so excited!
What the hell happened to the Lt. Governor who defiantly flew a pride flag in our state capital, thumbing his nose at the Republican efforts to stop him? What happened to the AmeriCorps volunteer turned Mayor of Braddock, the depressed former steel city you helped ‘revive’? What happened to the man who claims to be a champion for ‘downtrodden communities’ while voting for the very people and policies that will hurt those communities the most? How did that guy vote for Pam Bondi for Attorney General? How is that guy seriously considering Ka$h Patel, Tulsi Gabbard, and RFK Jr.? The trip to Mar-a-lago after Melon Husk hunkered down in PA to disenfranchise our vote, pure unadulterated bullshit. Your total lack of compassion and enthusiastic support of the outrageous idea of U.S. Occupation and ethnic cleansing to usher the way for Mar-a-Gaza* is, quite frankly, shocking. Despite the unprecedented moment, in which we find ourselves knee deep in a techno-coup, you’re two goosesteps away from joining the Nazi Party.
Is this who you always were, or did the brain damage change you? Are you Libertarian curious or a straight up fascist supporter? We have a right to know who you are and what you believe, because you work for us, John.
BTW, and I cannot believe I am writing this because I despised him with the white hot heat of a thousand suns, Pat Toomey was a far better man than you’ve proven to be.
"Pennsylvanians have always had my back, and I will always have theirs."
John Fetterman
You don’t have our backs, John. It appears what you have is ambition and a complete lack of character. Everything you once claimed to support is on the chopping block, hard working immigrants, just like the woman you married, are being rounded up and deported without due process, the LGBTQ+ community you defiantly protected is under seige, the struggling small towns across this nation like Braddock will be left to rot by the oligarchs, the social programs you championed are being decimated by the unelected pyschopath who has taken control of our government while you curry favor from the Mad King.
I can’t put all of the blame on you, there were signs. And, what is this all about? Who cancels on Jon Stewart on election night 30 seconds before airtime? Did they make you an offer you couldn’t refuse, or did you finally feel free to show your true colors? Do tell.
We await your explanation with bated breath.
You cheated on us with a two bit flim-flamming floozy in a red baseball cap, the same floozy you once called an Internet Troll. You’ve lost the trust of the people who voted for you, supported you, financed your campaigns, cheered for you…and we will not forget. To think we could have had Kenyatta, and insead we got you. I hope it was worth it, John. I guess you’re just another shape shifter. Give our most insincere regards to Manchin and Sinema. If we somehow manage to make it there in four years, we’ll see you at the polls.
Until then, we’ll see you in the streets, but not in the Sheetz.
FAFO, as they say in Philly, FAFO.
Or prove me wrong, I double dog dare you.
*Thank you Mr. Potter for this golden gem.
*I cannot take credit for this gem.
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It takes copious amounts of moxie, chutzpah, and caffeine to fuel this lady party, consider buying the hostess a cup of coffee!
Lady, you need to send this to literally EVERY newspaper in Pennsylvania that's still operating. It's the best thing I've read since...well, the last thing you wrote. But this is perfection.
Just an excellent letter. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏