Do I totally get this! Raised by a tyrant father who demanded perfection has taken a lot of counseling to get past. We only get one life...I try to remind myself to live it and shrug and laugh even the mistakes and missteps. And it sucks to be sick, too. Hope you feel better every day!
You know, I think a lot of us have been brainwashed by this capitalist bullshit "ideal" of "pushing through" even when you're not well. Way back when I was a vet tech, I did that once - I came down with some kind of flu or virus, but I kept going to work every day. Finally I decided that I needed to go see the doctor when I started gagging on snot into the sink between each appointment at work all day. The doctor took one look at me and told me I had bronchitis and said if I didn't sit on my ass for two weeks, she was going to admit me to the hospital. So when I called my boss and told him, he wasn't thrilled because the other receptionist had just been injured (scratch on her cornea which is, from personal experience, excruciating), and the other tech/assistant called out because SHE was sick. He kept asking me, Can't you just come in tomorrow?, and I was like, I'm on two antibiotics, an inhaler, a painkiller, and cough medicine with coedine in it. So, ha ha, no. I was so sick, I actually wound up breaking two ribs because the cough was so bad, even with the cough medicine. So that was how I learned to just say fuck it and take care of myself when I was sick. Had to learn the hard way.
All that said, I really hope you can get some rest and heal up. Hit me up if you ever want some Reiki. <3 I'd be happy to send.
Yes, that is definitely hard wired into all of us. For me, it is feeling like my chronic illness is already a burden to my family. So when I get sicker, it’s a whole other level and that’s where the guilt comes in. I am not good at asking for help. I have learned to rest and take care of my body. I just feel bad about having to do it, and then I let that shit go! (It helped to write it out.) I will let you know about the reiki! Thank you for the offer. ❤️
You raised a daughter filled with accomplishment, self respect and determination. You created a loving connection with a mother who made your childhood beyond difficult. You conquered singing, acting, jewelry making and book publishing, you worked you way through college without help, you endured physical difficulties that would have debilitated many. You are an amazing woman and a shining light. You have overcome many lifetimes of endurance. Don’t overlook your accomplishments. I regard you as accomplished beyond most humans! Know you are loved!😘
"You don't have to prove you have a right to exist." When my therapist said that some 30+ years ago I cried for days. Like you, I felt guilty all the time for never being or doing enough or for being too much - too opinionated, too energetic, too creative, too smart (for a girl), too sure that I was meant to be a writer (instead of a dentist as my parents planned), too sure that life should be fair and that all beings - human and otherwise - deserved to live and live well.
I don't know that I've completely overcome all that, but I DO know that I would never ever say or do the things that were said and done to me as a child, so I keep returning to that small me - the me that felt she wasn't loved for who she was but what she could do. And I keep saying, "you are enough, you are enough, you are enough, and I love you."
I love the brilliant, funny, self-aware, and creative person you are Margot. Sending a warm hug bomb your way, which is meant to exterminate the guilt while soothing your tired lungs. (((Margot)))
I’m so sorry you struggle with these feelings, but I think it’s part of the empath’s complexities. We can know things and still have irrational feelings persist. I’ll be okay, it’s good to speak the painful stuff out loud. Writing is catharsis, after all.
You are enough, you are special and you are allowed to feel all those feelings. It's human nature to feel that way and I'm an expert at those feelings, so you are not alone. Get well, feel better and pull up your big girl panties and love yourself, you are amazing ❤️❤️🦋🌞🥳🎉🥂
Do I totally get this! Raised by a tyrant father who demanded perfection has taken a lot of counseling to get past. We only get one life...I try to remind myself to live it and shrug and laugh even the mistakes and missteps. And it sucks to be sick, too. Hope you feel better every day!
Yes! We just keep peeling back the layers to get to the core. Life is but a dream. Thank you! ❤️
I don't have any wise words. But I empathize with your feelings.
And if I was with you in person I would hug you.
A hug is exactly what I need. Thank you, Llynn. 😘
You know, I think a lot of us have been brainwashed by this capitalist bullshit "ideal" of "pushing through" even when you're not well. Way back when I was a vet tech, I did that once - I came down with some kind of flu or virus, but I kept going to work every day. Finally I decided that I needed to go see the doctor when I started gagging on snot into the sink between each appointment at work all day. The doctor took one look at me and told me I had bronchitis and said if I didn't sit on my ass for two weeks, she was going to admit me to the hospital. So when I called my boss and told him, he wasn't thrilled because the other receptionist had just been injured (scratch on her cornea which is, from personal experience, excruciating), and the other tech/assistant called out because SHE was sick. He kept asking me, Can't you just come in tomorrow?, and I was like, I'm on two antibiotics, an inhaler, a painkiller, and cough medicine with coedine in it. So, ha ha, no. I was so sick, I actually wound up breaking two ribs because the cough was so bad, even with the cough medicine. So that was how I learned to just say fuck it and take care of myself when I was sick. Had to learn the hard way.
All that said, I really hope you can get some rest and heal up. Hit me up if you ever want some Reiki. <3 I'd be happy to send.
Yes, that is definitely hard wired into all of us. For me, it is feeling like my chronic illness is already a burden to my family. So when I get sicker, it’s a whole other level and that’s where the guilt comes in. I am not good at asking for help. I have learned to rest and take care of my body. I just feel bad about having to do it, and then I let that shit go! (It helped to write it out.) I will let you know about the reiki! Thank you for the offer. ❤️
Your body is telling you to take a break. Get well soon, (or whenever your body is ready), Margot. 🥰
Thank you, Lorraine. ❤️
You raised a daughter filled with accomplishment, self respect and determination. You created a loving connection with a mother who made your childhood beyond difficult. You conquered singing, acting, jewelry making and book publishing, you worked you way through college without help, you endured physical difficulties that would have debilitated many. You are an amazing woman and a shining light. You have overcome many lifetimes of endurance. Don’t overlook your accomplishments. I regard you as accomplished beyond most humans! Know you are loved!😘
I love you, Mom. Thank you! 😘
"You don't have to prove you have a right to exist." When my therapist said that some 30+ years ago I cried for days. Like you, I felt guilty all the time for never being or doing enough or for being too much - too opinionated, too energetic, too creative, too smart (for a girl), too sure that I was meant to be a writer (instead of a dentist as my parents planned), too sure that life should be fair and that all beings - human and otherwise - deserved to live and live well.
I don't know that I've completely overcome all that, but I DO know that I would never ever say or do the things that were said and done to me as a child, so I keep returning to that small me - the me that felt she wasn't loved for who she was but what she could do. And I keep saying, "you are enough, you are enough, you are enough, and I love you."
I love the brilliant, funny, self-aware, and creative person you are Margot. Sending a warm hug bomb your way, which is meant to exterminate the guilt while soothing your tired lungs. (((Margot)))
Thank you for understanding, my friend. ❤️
I’m so sorry you struggle with these feelings, but I think it’s part of the empath’s complexities. We can know things and still have irrational feelings persist. I’ll be okay, it’s good to speak the painful stuff out loud. Writing is catharsis, after all.
Well I was responding to your angst more than anything else. Very sorry you struggle with what you described in your post.
Sending much love. 🩷
Thank you, sweet friend.
You are enough, you are special and you are allowed to feel all those feelings. It's human nature to feel that way and I'm an expert at those feelings, so you are not alone. Get well, feel better and pull up your big girl panties and love yourself, you are amazing ❤️❤️🦋🌞🥳🎉🥂
Thank you, sweet friend! I'm working on it! You are amazing.