Beware the Hot Plumber

No more romanticizing charismatic lotharios, Democrats

Stage Costume Casanova George Barbier, 1918 Public Domain NYPL Digital Collection via Wikimedia Commons

Hello, Friend,

Years back, when we lived in the schoolhouse, our well pump died. I was reminded of this experience this week. Let’s call it ‘the hot plumber’ scenario. There’s a related pattern among Democratic voters I think bears contemplation. It threads into the psychopathy/Dark Tetrad stats I shared on Monday and also into the ways in which pop culture mythology impacts the electorate.

Hold on because I’m getting to something here.

When our well pump died we needed a solution and we needed it fast. We also needed it to be reasonably priced, as our nest egg was not large. We called a local plumbing company and they sent out a guy right away.

I answered the door to a rakishly handsome charmer. He looked like the plumber from an HGTV show. Plaid flannel shirt, fitted jeans, pristine work boots, perfectly coiffed wavy brown hair, million dollar smile, he was the plumber from central casting. I directed him to the well. He returned later with an assessment, looking and seeming genuinely sympathetic. Standing in the doorway, framed by the afternoon sunlight, he gave me a quote that hit like a ton of bricks. When I shared it with Mr. Potter I assured him the plumber seemed to be an affable and forthright fellow. Just for comparison, though, we had another plumbing outfit come out and bid. Their bid was substantially lower. Shockingly so. This is when I realized I’d fallen for the bait and switch of the hot plumber they sent to charm the homeowner into ponying up the Benjamins. I felt like an idiot.

At this point you’re probably wondering where this is all heading. Let me thread it together.

Democratic voters have a long standing history of falling for the hot plumber. Grover Cleveland, Eliot Spitzer, Gary Condit, Bill Clinton, John Edwards, Brock Adams, Anthony Weiner, Andrew Cuomo, Eric Swalwell…and most recently Graham Platner. The rakishly handsome silver tongued devil who looks and sounds like the candidate from central casting keeps charming us into voting for them. They have a gift for making us feel as if they’re talking directly to us.

Have I mentioned that psychopaths are highly skilled at persuasion?

We romanticize these good looking, sweet talking, usually white men, rationalizing away their obvious flaws, denying and dismissing evidence of abhorrent behavior. She’s lying. It’s a trap. Why didn’t she come forward sooner? There’s a cultural reticence to accept the prevalence of male perpetrated sexual and other violence against women especially when the man is rich, famous, talented, and powerful. Victim blaming and shaming is the rule rather than the exception. It runs deep enough that there has been no real accountability for the prominent men listed in the Epstein files, including our convicted by jury sex pest in chief.

We don’t support victims, because violence against women (and children) is so vast, so persistent, so dark, and so insidious that believing them means opening our eyes to the overwhelming truth. When the ‘hot plumber’ du jour comes along with his pretty face and pretty lies, we tell ourselves this time is different. It’s an oppo. It’s a he said/she said. She’s trying to destroy him. She’s in it for the money. It’s not his fault, he’s wounded and he says he’s sorry.

We believe women…but not that woman.

Just ask Bill.

Over and over again we vilify the accuser and coddle the abuser. When yet another ‘hot plumber’ is revealed to be a self-serving lothario and creep, we’re left scratching our heads wondering how we were so easily duped. Experience matters much less than x-factor, but we’re not casting a reality show, we’re looking for a competent leader. We joy ride through red lights with blinders on and tell ourselves it’s all going to be okay.

This guy is going to save the day!

Is he, though?

We need leaders who walk their talk, follow through on their promises, show up day after day to do the hard work, take the time to listen, admit when they screw up and own their mistakes, speak the truth especially when it’s difficult, serve the needs of the public, and maintain a vast capacity for empathy and compassion. They don’t need to be pretty. They don’t need to talk pretty. They don’t need to be perfect. They do need to be intelligent, honest, sincere, forthright, flexible, down to earth, hard working, and authentic.

Dare I suggest we give the women a chance for a change?

We have to stop falling in love with the bad boys and the pretty boys and the wounded boys and the faux every men (I’m looking at you, Fetterman) and the silver tongued devils and the hot plumbers, because they will break our hearts every single time.

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